i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
