Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
