dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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