I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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