There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
