I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
