somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
