I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
