guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's never too late to be topless.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
