Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
