I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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