I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
