honey bunches of taint.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
