im drinking this country out of the recession.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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