If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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