Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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