**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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