The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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