this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
