Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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