There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
