I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
