sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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