he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
