it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
