I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
