You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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