Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
