After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
