If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
