at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
