oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
