You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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