in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
