Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
