so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
this beer tastes like vomit already
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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