oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
