you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
