we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
