My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
BRING THE BAGELS
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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