All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
