Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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