Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
