There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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