Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i will never coherently bang her
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
