make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
