Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
