Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
