I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
