How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
