Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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