Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
PANTIES FOUND
I woke up under a house in Key West
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