im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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