You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
