Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
