I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
