You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
